Contributed by Selena Rezvani, author of “The Next Generation of Women Leaders: What You Need to Lead but Won’t Learn in Business School"

If you think about it, we’re engaging in negotiations at work all the time. Whether we’re asking for the big promotion, the funding to attend a training or conference, or for a vendor to come down on their prices, we’re in more bargaining situations than we realize. The following strategies can help you sharpen your current negotiation skills and continue developing:

Keep the Ship Steady: Walking into a negotiation without preparing can be disastrous, as can spontaneous or emotion-driven negotiations. Concentrate on several of your past successes to increase your confidence and optimism. Regulate your emotions by role-playing the negotiation with someone you trust beforehand, so that you can remain unflappable during the real thing. Above all else, separate for yourself the person you will be speaking with and the problem you are trying to solve—they are not the same.

Ask Questions Strategically: In a negotiation, open-ended questions can be extremely powerful. They buy you more time if you need to gather your thoughts and can help guide and move the conversation along.

Examples:

Can you explain how you arrived at that solution?

Are you willing to negotiate that point?

How could I help you feel more comfortable with this request?

What is most important to you? Why?

How can we make this work for both of us?

Is that the best you can do?

Use Silence for a Change: When you use silence strategically, you’re not over-promising or under-selling in ways you will later regret. You’ll not only be able to contemplate your next move, but silence often makes your counterpart share information, restate their position, or try to guess what your position is. Each of these attempts put you in a more favorable position. The “silence strategy” is especially important for women since we may be tempted to accommodate our counterpart or fill a conversation void.

Look for Mutual Gains: One of the women executives I interviewed for my book advised, “…Look for a ‘win-win’ in relationships and negotiations. Every time you think there’s a ‘win-loss’ situation, look for ways to make it mutually beneficial….” Coming up with creative solutions and concessions can certainly show your willingness to get to common ground in a negotiation. However if you must concede something, always try to negotiate something else back.

Selena Rezvani will speak at the 2010 PA Governor's Conference for Women on a panel titled "Negotiating Your Way to the Top." See the full session schedule.

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life!: How to Get Through Life’s Holes without Getting Stuck in Them!

By Judith Belmont, M.S.

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life is about resiliency. One of the most consistent characteristics of people who report high levels of life satisfaction and happiness is resilience: having the ability to bounce back from life’s setbacks, grow from challenges and transform stress into success.

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life uses Swiss Cheese as a metaphor for life itself. Life is not predictable and smooth like cream cheese. Our lives are really more like Swiss with all its distinctive holes, and without the holes, there would be no Swiss! Our lives, likewise, have inevitable “holes,” and “imperfections," yet these holes give us our unique character and depth. It’s a fact that the larger the holes of the Swiss, the sweeter and more distinctive the cheese. What an analogy to our lives! We develop resiliency by overcoming challenges and obstacles. By moving through life’s holes rather than getting stuck in them, we become stronger. Besides, the holes of the cheese are called eyes, so it is the holes in our lives that allow us to “see more clearly” and develop insight. Swiss Cheese with no holes is called blind Swiss – and you wouldn’t want to live with your eyes closed like this cheese in denial!

Wishing and hoping that things will go your way and flow predictably is a sure path to life dissatisfaction. Besides, research has shown that people are notoriously bad at predicting what makes them happy. The new car, winning the lottery, the dream vacation, getting the job you want, can give us a temporary “high” but does not lead to long lasting happiness. So, enjoy and embrace the unpredictability of life: Life is full of holes and it is how you get through them that counts!

There are ten takeaways from “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life” that can empower you and help you build resiliency skills:

1. Fondue Can Never Turn Back into a Block of Cheese.
Give up the habit of looking back with regret - there are no do – overs and by focusing too much about the past and what can’t be changed will keep you stuck in a hole!

2. There is No Such Thing as a Perfect Slice of Cheese.
Give up the need for perfection. Besides, the road to success is paved with mistakes and failures.

3. No “Whine” with the Cheese, Please!
Pity Parties are over-rated. Strive to look at things more rationally and positively. The Swiss Cheese Motto is: Think Straight and Feel Great!

4. If the Cheese is Ripe, Dig In!
Be Proactive, not reactive! The more you feel in control of your actions and reactions, and do not “wait” for things to happen, the more empowered and effective you will be.

5. Live Whole Despite the Holes.
Focus on developing mindfulness and spirituality with a focus on being present-focused.

6. Enjoy the Wine and Cheese Party!
People who connect with others, give and receive social support, are happier than people who are isolated. As the old Bell Telephone commercials said: Reach out and touch someone!

7. Be like Cheese-Lite!
Develop health and wellness through exercise, healthy eating, and good life style habits. Welcome wellness for a healthier YOU!

8. Slice the Cheese Wheel of Life.
Get organized, prioritize and delegate so that you can achieve a healthy life style balance. Don’t let time divide you – learn to divide your time and energy in a way that makes you feel balanced.

9. Master the Cheese Wheel of Change.
Embrace change, be flexible, and strive to be a Stress Manager and not a Stress Carrier!

10. Smile and Say Cheese!
Focus on developing a positive outlook and healthy optimism, while you work on healing resentments, focusing on forgiveness, and striving to replace negativity with gratitude.

These ten areas of resiliency are important in every aspect of our lives, and embracing these delectable takeaways from The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life will give you the pungency and flavor of a complete and meaningful life!

Judy Belmont will speak at the 2010 PA Governor’s Conference for Women in a panel titled The Resilient Leader. She is a speaker/author/trainer who uses her background as a licensed psychotherapist to provide personally relevant and meaningful presentations for conferences, organizations and businesses that include Fortune 500 companies. She is the founder/president of Worksite Insights which promotes workplace wellness through consultation and training. Learn more at www.worksiteinsights.com. This article is based on her latest upcoming books with Lora Shor, MSW, The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life and The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life Workbook which will be out in late 2010. www.theswisscheesetheoryoflife.com.

By Susan L. Colantuono

Fashionistas would have women believe that what we wear, the accessories we use and how we look are keys to executive presence. Why? Because that’s how they sell products -- and most of us know by now that women make or influence 85% of all consumer purchases. But in the context of executive presence, this emphasis on personal appearance leads women astray. Appearance isn’t the same as executive presence. Presentation skills aren’t the sole factor in executive presence. And, further, executive presence is different from personal presence. So what aren't women being told about executive presence?

Before revealing the secret, it helps to understand Personal Presence as distinct from Executive Presence. Many people have personal presence; TV and movie stars, politicians, social movement leaders, speakers, preachers and others. They need personal presence because they must be comfortable being in the limelight. For this reason, personal presence can be defined as the ability to comfortably draw and hold attention while delivering a message.

But, do movie stars, speakers, preachers, social movement leaders have executive presence? Most senior managers, executives and directors would say no. So, there must be a difference between personal presence and executive presence. Here it is:

Executive presence is the ability to comfortably draw and hold attention while delivering a business-savvy message.

A business-savvy message is what differentiates the movie star with personal presence from the CEO or senior manager (or for that matter manager, supervisor or individual contributor) with executive presence.

Here’s why this distinction is important. Cultivating personal presence is necessary, but insufficient when it comes to being seen as having executive presence. At every level, you need executive presence (which I also call leadership presence) in order to engage and align others and to deliver on your organization’s goals. Executive presence helps you be seen as credible and competent by your employees, colleagues and bosses. Especially those up the management chain. When filling positions, the person with executive presence will win out over the person with personal presence or no presence at all. Why? Because they demonstrate that they understand the business of the business!

Recently, at a client site, a manager described this in action. She described the dynamics of a meeting where managers were reporting to executives. The managers whose reports were long on adjectives and short on metrics got a “ho hum” response from the executives no matter how eloquent their reports. The managers whose reports focused on numbers critical to the bottom line caught the executives’ attention.

This is one example of why executive presence matters! And why mistaking appearance for executive presence is a mis-direction for women. Even former eBay CEO, Meg Whitman, says about herself, “No one would say that I’m fashion forward.”

So while fashion and women’s media misdirects us with its emphasis on appearance, where else can we turn to learn about executive presence? Google. I analyzed the first 100 pieces of advice from the first 20 Google returns for “executive presence” and broke it down by category. Here’s what I found.

78% of the advice was about how to enhance personal presence, in other words, how to comfortably draw and hold attention while delivering a message. This is important, but incomplete advice that covered 4 categories:
1. How to Be: candid, sincere, self-confident, calm, passionate charismatic, thoughtful, courageous, warm, etc.
2. How to Speak: deep voice, succinct, avoid qualifiers
3. Non-Verbal Communication: posture, eye contact, gestures, facial expressions
4. Appearance: pay for a total makeover, look polished. And the men whose advice was among the first 20 returns, NEVER mentioned appearance!

A meager 12% of the advice focused on speaking the language of business -- the single most important element that differentiates personal from executive presence. This list is in inverse proportion to what women need to be told about executive presence! To the people for whom executive presence matters most -- people UP your reporting chain -- the most important aspect of executive presence is the one that¹s least discussed -- what you say, your business-savvy messages.

About the Author When Susan Colantuono was 16 months old, her brother was born. So began a lifelong interest in gender dynamics, an abundance of heretical observations and breakthrough thinking about women, leadership and career success. Today, Susan shares her wisdom as CEO of Leading Women, where she inspires and powers the success of women leaders in FORTUNE 10 to mid-sized organizations. Learn more at http://leadingwomen.biz. She is also author of the book No Ceiling, No Walls, which presents ready-to-apply tools, cases, insights from self-assessments and illustrative examples from the F500 women CEOs.

by Manisha Thakor, 2009 Speaker and personal finance expert for women

Do you ever feel like your possessions are holding you hostage? Or perhaps that you’ve bitten off more stuff than you can chew? If you’ve ever suffered the pangs of financial indigestion, you may be one of the millions of Americans suffering from…lifestyle creep.

What is Lifestyle Creep?

Not to be confused with “Keeping Up with The Joneses,” lifestyle creep occurs when the more you have, the more you think you need. Here’s an example. You get a new pair of pants. But they don’t go with your old shoes. So you have to get a new pair. Then your bottom half looks so spiffy you feel the need for fresh top. In this dandy outfit, however, you no longer look so good in your old clunker of a car so… well, you get the point. Here are three signs that “the creep” might be happening to you:

1. You have a public storage unit. An amazing 1 in 10 Americans have them. As of year-end 2009 there was 2.4 billion square feet of public storage space in the US. To put this in perspective, if you lumped them all together they would be 3x the size of Manhattan Island – under one roof! Yeesh, that’s a lot of stuff. If you’ve got a storage unit key jingling around in your pocket, it could be a sign that your lifestyle is literally bulging at the seams of your home. [Big hat tip to my friend Francine Jay, author of Frugillionaire who first brought this to my attention in her wonderful blog.]

2. Your house has more toilets or TVs than occupants. My grandmother’s house had one toilet and one TV for four people. No one lost life or limb. Think about your home right now. How many toilets do you have? How many people are living in your home? Or do it with TVs – the point is what we as Americans think we NEED has gotten horribly confused with what we WANT.

3. You visit the mall more often than you do the grocery store. One in three Americans are obese – physically. Another one in three are like me, battling with those stubborn last 10 pounds. As a nation we do not eat nearly enough fresh veggies and fruits. I’m of Indian heritage. Growing up, we visited my family in India, where going to the local vegetable stand for fresh foods was a near daily ritual (and one that kept my rellies thin and trim). Today most of us shop at the mall more often than we shop at the grocery store. As a result, we’ve become financially obese as well.

Want more financial love? You can follow Manisha on Twitter at @ManishaThakor and sign up for her email updates here.